| Intimacy | in female friendships

Into me I see.

Into you I see.

Into me, I let you see. 

Into you, you let me see. 

I spent a lifetime believing if I went “deep” enough with others and for others, I would finally reach them. 

Wondering why my friends would wait in the “shallows”? Not realising they were mirroring the parts of my psyche that learnt safety was found by not taking up space and remaining unseen. 

For decades I hid my most intimate Feelings, Needs, my Voice and my Truth… Through some of the most painful experiences of my life.

Depth disguised as over giving, performing and achieving. Contrasted with hiding through distracting, busying, avoiding, partying, unhealthy relating and risk taking. 

Sure, it served to keep a lot of pain and suffering at bay, alongside that very intimacy I was seeking. 

Deep down I was lonely, so lonely, and disconnected. For the intimacy I truly yearned for was with myself. 

I couldn’t have deeper more intimate friendships until I was more resourced, ready & intimate with myself. 

Finally, the tides of life asked me to loosen my grip on “having it all together”, inviting the time and spaciousness to offer myself intimacy. It was then I could align with others able to traverse the depths and share the very intimacy in female friendship I had once only dreamed of. 

Intimacy in female friendships is something the collective has been starved of.

There’s so-much-power in women supporting women. Women listening to women. Women tending to other women. Women backing other women.

It awakens something… Alivens something. We remember something, we remember everything…

The way we used to live… Tribally, Communally, Ritualistically, in Circle - daily. 

Meeting each other. Seeing each other. Loving, Accepting and Holding each other.

Intimacy instead cast as a shadow, hidden amongst competition, comparison, competitiveness and complaining. 

What if instead we see intimacy as a Golden Shadow… Offering Depth, Sensitivity, Acceptance, Coregulation, Safety, Enoughness, Belonging and Healing for the female collective?! 

With love,

Rachael x

*Inspired by the nourishing meaningful, aligned female friendships I’m now blessed to have in my life. 

3rd September, 2025.